2 weeks to go
Friday, March 24, 2006
i have exactly 14 or so days left until my civilian lifestyle ends
so fast....
felt like yesterday that i just finished my A levels
december beckons and i have a long break
yeah last week went to hk and then to china
while in hk met my relatives
payed my respects to my grandparents
when to mainland china with my relatives on a 2 day tour
to visit my ancestors home village
the diff between the city and the country side is stark
spent hours on the bus travelling around guangdong province
and dozing on and off with a sore neck
the food is good though in china
chickens taste different than those back home
u c live animals everywhere in the countryside
something u dun usually see in hk/sg
came back on monday nite
for the next few days
its just me
myself
and the arcade at ps
with the occasional excercise here and there
hopelessly addicted to mmt2
theres goes my coins
pay to have fun eh
yeah sure i dont mind
as long as its quality entertainment
have been using my new non cam. phone aka basic and easy to use
battery lasts longer
ideal for use in the army
even though my plastic specs have been made
im not wearing it
cos the first time i tried
the lens on the right side
got scratched badly
by.......
no i didnt drop it
nor hit it
got scratched badly by
TISSUE Paper >>> @#($*^)%$_+23- while wiping it
going to go the shop soon
i still havent applied for uni yet
next week is the last week to do so
10:37:00 PM
.......
Monday, March 13, 2006
i feel so darn moody these days
its like u sense something coming up and its inevitable
last thursday i sent off one of my friends to tekong
gosh i had a first hand look at a place that i will be in
in like less than 22 days
a sense of dread gradually starts
though its rather mild now
i hope it doesnt get worse as the days pass
went to look at the openhouses over the weekend
SIM on friday
asked bout the diff programmes they offer
NUS on sat
the place is big
quite hard to find the openhouse
i asked bout whats the past benchmark for entering nus biz school
i got an ans of abb or aab
gosh my scores are so far off
it seems my choices are narrowed down to business management if i bang head still try and apply
or pol science, psychology
at SMU saw a rather attractive degree they offer
bachelor of social science
which i think is broad based
which gives me time to decide what to specialise in later
argh so mani diff courses and i can only choose one
i havent apply yet
still pondering............
this is one impt decision
met up with some frens i havent seen in a while at suntec yesterday for lunch
caught up with them after all these time
those in the army sure look fitter
and gave me some details of what to expect
btw in our opinion the pizza set was like
a rip off to say
we ordered a family feast which on the menu looked like it would be sufficient for 5 of us
went it came
the pizzas were like rather............ pitiful in size
coming this thursday i will be heading back to hk for the last time
as a civillian
will be there for bout 5 days
last chance to meet my relatives there before my hair gets shaven
there seems to be nice films coming up
i wanna catch V for vendetta
it seems cool
1:09:00 PM
Warning long post
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
warning: LOng post
summary: cde for A levels and c5 for gp
conflicting memores of the past
painful memories
long version
read below
theres no way in words to describe the feelings i have been experiencing since i got the slip of paper
c for history
okay im fine with it
d for econs
kind of dissapointed
hoping for a c
e for maths
alrite
im thankful i managed to pass it
gp c5..
hoping for b or sumthing
funni i predicted bcd
in the end cde
not bad got 2 out of the 3 correct
now laugh sarcastically
and so while my peers go off to rejoice or console each other in each others company
this boi slips off annoymously onto bus 132 heads to orchard
drags his heavy heart and feet while staring blankly around
hops on the mrt and heads to ps
plays some arcade game called maximum tune 2
that momentarily reliefs him from all the "agony"
after that trugdes all the way back to orchard mrt station to catch the bus home all in solitude
the feeling aint nice at all
i wont mince my words
i feel damn dissapointed
fuckstrated is more appropriate
i have only myself to blame
for letting myself sucumb to one and half years of studying
distracted
distaught
i simply couldnt concentrate
up to now i still find it hard to let go of
all that hate
agony
angst
the desire for revenge
yes time has passed
im stuck in this rut surrounded by negativety
everytime i think of the past
shit hits me in the face
all those horrible memories come flooding instantly
the events of 2004 in particular
this has to stop
i cannot let this one and half year burden remain in my subconcsciousness
for the rest of my life
i try to hide it
but deep down inside
its still inside
let me put it this way
the next time i see my former classmates
i will try to be amiable
and put aside my pre judgement of them that was created
by events of the pass
i want to let by gones be bygones
whats pass is pass
im sure u have noticed
throughout my 20 months of blogging
there has been a lot of mention of this events that happened back in 04
its a pity for me
jealously
has dont nothing for me
it has only made me
so full of negativety
hate
envy
greed
i hate to admit it
but im easily affected by the environment im in
i find it hard to go the way less travelled
i usually try to follow the crowd
why?
cos being myself
doesnt make me mr popular
but wait why do i crave popularity
maybe i just want acceptance by friends
u noe seeing friends laughing and having a good time in cliques
cliques
that the crux of the issue in 04-05
i desperately yearned for the" going to town and chill with frens over coffee
movies etc syndrome"
laughing like lunatics and talking freely in the knowledge and companionship of your buddies
call me childish or whatever
i can tell u genuinely how badly i wanted to have group of friends i could call my own during my time in cj
i.....
feel like an outcast in some ways
maybe people perceive me as a loner
i cant blame them
after all
i hardly talk
u seldom see my smiling
oh hes mr quiet aka always stern etc
i feel so akward.......
i have to like force myself to think of sumthign to say
during prom nite
i felt so out of touch
its like i dont share similar interest.....
i dont have the natural ability to crack jokes
or lead pple
today in school
i felt like a bastard
i didnt even say a word of thanks to my teachers who taught me
ididnt say much to my classmates
..........
enough i dont want to bore ur down too much
i hope this is the last time i blog like this....
im sorry
this post contrasts to the lighter tone of my previous posts
as well as posts in jan and feb 06.........
oh to my true friends
u have my eternal thanks.........
11:28:00 PM
